“But don’t forget who you really are. And I’m not talking about your so-called real name. All names are made up by someone else, even the one your parents gave you. You know who you really are. When you’re alone at night, looking up at the stars, or maybe lying in your bed in total darkness, you know that nameless person inside you…Your muscles will toughen. So will your heart and soul. That’s necessary for survival. But don’t lose touch with that person deep inside you, or else you won’t really have survived at all.”—Louis Sachar (via inspiredbythisfeeling)
I’m going to start recording my achievements, no matter how little or how huge, on here, document my progress to getting outta the cycle I’m stuck in. I’m calling it the Baby Steps Project.
If anyone wants to join me, feel free. Just tag all your little achievements with baby steps project please. And message me if you are, so I can follow you. There is no need for a shiny new blog for this project, you can just do it on whatever blog you feel like.
As for me, I’m not gonna do it on my main, LostInsideMyHead. I’m gonna keep it on this one, FredTheCloud. After all, I did create this one for my more personal posts anyways.
Man, I am so tired of people, especially boys, being rude to me.
Even if I’m a stranger, you should be the ones holding doors open for me, not the other way around. But if I do, you should at least say thank you.
Even if I’m a stranger, you should be the ones who stand up so that I could take your seat on the bus, instead of sitting there and making all the women stand.
Even if I’m a stranger, you should not be cussing when I’m within earshot, especially not with such a vulgar term as the F-bomb.
Even if I’m a stranger, I don’t wanna see your nickers or your crack so pull your dang pants up.
Even if I’m a stranger, if you knock something out of my hands, you should be the ones picking it up, not me.
And also, if you’re interested in me, you needa not go making friends with every other girl under the sun.
I don’t feel like I’m asking a lot, or that my standards are too high. But at this rate I will never find a man, even if he does exist among the boys, because I’m too busy losing faith in the male species.
Song: ‘The Silence Is Broken’ Composer: Jerry Penrose (journeytoanewcreation)
Dear brother, do you remember the day When you asked if I wanted to play a game? I was so trusting and innocent back then All in a moment my childhood was gone…
Dear mother, do you remember the day When you found out just what your son did to me? And how you pinned all blame on my shoulders Instead of love, I saw anger that day…
Dear father, do you remember the day When mother told you what happened to your little girl? And how you stopped holding me that day Turned your back, walked away, no comfort shown…
If this is the only way my voice will be heard If this is the only way I can finally break the silence Then I cry out, oh, I cry out Do you hear me? I cry out, oh, I cry out The silence is broken
A bit of background about this song: Warning: this post contains content that may be found triggering or offensive to others. Please read cautiously. (Childhood sexual abuse)
This is the fourth song I have written for the album I am currently working on, to be entitled ‘HOPE: From Victim to Survivor’, dedicated to my healing process from the childhood sexual abuse I endured. Those of you that have been ‘following’ me for a while will already know, but for the benefit of those that don’t know, I was sexually abused when I was six years old by an older brother, and for the next 13 years, I was silenced; not only regarding the abuse itself, but for everything: nothing I had to say was significant - no opinion, no thought, no feeling, no accomplishment. My abuse was dealt with in a very negative way - all my mothers hurt, guilt, confusion, etc turned into anger and I was at the receiving end despite being the victim, that left my believing I was to blame - not only for the abuse, but for bringing shame upon my family, hurting my parents, putting my siblings at risk of being taken away, etc. My father and I were very close before the abuse, but after it came out he only acknowledged me when he was telling me off for the next 12 years - he started talking to me properly after my first suicide attempt in August 2010, but being ignored for 12 years so suddenly after being so close, left me feeling filthy, ashamed, etc. Even though the songs to go on the album are about breaking the silence, I doubt my family will ever hear them, but ‘never say never’, right? Right now I’m doing this for my own healing, and to finally set myself free from the shame, guilt, and feelings of being ‘bad’, ‘filthy’, ‘dirty’, unlovable, worthless, etc that have consumed me the past 14 years of my life. I will make it. This is me breaking the silence.